Letter to Super Fresh

I sent this off to the local food shop. They sent me back some harsh words.


Hey Super Fresh-

Deli meats. They are an important part of any super market. To me, they are the most important part. Right up there with the cereal section and bagel booth. You know the usual suspects: ham, pepperoni, bologna….I love them all! (I don't like pimento loaf, and therefore refuse to bestow it with deli meat status). I am VERY particular with my DELI meats however, and recently I have been VERY dissatisfied with your department. Let me speak on this.

My name is Edna. I am a working mother with 2 or 3 kids, and I work very hard at my job as a napkin production inspector specialist. After work, I like to unwind by doing THINGS. That's where your deli meats come in. Oh my, they are yummily tastetastic. Sometimes even lip-smackingly delectable! However, due to recent incidents in my life involving issues, I now like to have my deli meats sliced thin. THIN. Not "sort of thin" or "thicky thin." THIN. Not "medium thin" "semi thin" or "thinny deluxe." THIN! My slogan is "I like deli in my belly, but if it ain't thin it can't go in." Oh yes, so here is the situation.

It all went down like this. The past few times I have been in your "super" store to buy things such as waffles, a snickers, tangelos, juice boxes, razors, hash browns and marshmallows, I have also stopped by your deli division. When I request my desired meats to the meat person, I always politely smile and ask for them THIN. THIN THIN THIN. THIN!!!! Guess what. They come back anything but thin. This same massacre of meats happened three weeks in a row, and now I am FED UP WITH YOUR MEATS. (This is ironic since I haven't actually been "fed" by them at all recently.)

How hard is it to slice deli meats thin? I mean come on. THIN! This is the year 2000-something. We've put some people on the moon and invented the pocket fisherman. One would assume we could accomplish the thin slicing of deli meats with unfailing consistency. WRONG. THIN! Now, I don't want to get anyone in particular in your department in trouble, but I felt this was something VERY important to bring to your attention immediately so you could take care of this chaos and bring the meats situation back to the better times. Guess what! As of right now, I will now get my deli meats cut at the Acme(s), where they actually LISTEN to their customers and are actually able to cut deli meats THIN. WOW!!! Also, they have a sale on fruit snacks. Until this state of affairs is fixed, you can find me at Acme(s). Good bye Super Fresh. Or should I say "Not So-Super Fresh."

Yours Always N Forever,

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