Letter To Circuit City

This is a letter I sent to Circuit City. They sent me a 25 dollar gift card.


Circuit City
9950 Mayland Dr.
Richmond, VA
23233

Dear CEO W. Alan McCollough,


My life as we know it is OVER. I am forever cursed to spend eternity in Hell on Earth and I have Circuit City to thank. As you can see…I am in the midst of a very serious situation and that’s why I needed to come right to you, Mr. CEO. W. Alan McCollough.

On Friday, March 7th or 8th I visited your Circuit City store located at the Shore Mall in southern New Jersey. You may know the Shore Mall better as the mall that boasts of several 99 Cents stores, 4 arcades, the Discount Barn, a “party store” that everyone knows is a front for a drug operation, and is anchored by a Value City and an Echards(sp); making Circuit City a perfect fit. On this particular day of shopping/browsing (browpping) I spotted the dvd Lucas which stars Cory Haim (License To Drive) and Charlie Sheen (Denise Richards). I (Joseph Morano) was so excited as this is one of my all time top favorite films that stars one of the Cories!!!!!!

As anyone would do in this situation, I IMMEDIATELY called up my friends and told them I was about to buy the movie and to meet me at my house in 30 minutes!!! And that I would make SNACKS!!!!!!!!! I went up to the counter and the dude scans it and says “Hey skippy…I can’t sell this to you, its not supposed to be out till Tuesday.” He then took Lucas away from me :*(

Let me ask YOU something Mr. “CEO”. Why then was the movie ON THE SHELF?! Am I not allowed to “buy” things that are on the shelf? It’s bad enough that you tease me throughout your store with big ticket items like Plasma TV’s and office pens that I’d never be able to afford. But to NOT let ME buy SOMETHNG that WAS on YOUR shelf IS just plain wrONG. And it’s not like I could STEAL the movie because it also starred Winona Ryder and that would be very wrong and very ironic. You slogan is “We’re With You.” No you weren’t…you were against me…you turned your back on me then back stabbed me in the back…backy-style.

When I got home all the kids were in my living room. Everyone asked “Where is the movie Lucas from Circuit City?” When I told them what happened nobody believed me and they said I was making it up. They then got very mad and surly with me. One kid called me a big “Luc- ass.” I tried making it up to them with extra Goldfishies crackers but they just threw them at me. They were very Charlie MEAN. Now nobody at school will talk to me.

All I want is my friends back and to make the football team. I lost it all and its Circuit City’s fault. So you say you’re “with me” Mr. CEO? Then prove it. I demand an apology for destroying my life. I want you to say this in a TV commercial so all my friends can see it and believe me. I also want you to get Cory Haim to personally screen the film for my friends and I and do commentary for us. You can come to my party too (AFTER the commercial airs) but you will NOT be given Goldfish cracker privileges.

Sincerely,

ME