Letter to Ellio's Pizza

I sent this off to Ellio's pizza and they sent me coupons...


Ellio's Pizza
555 Hickory Farm Lane
Appletown WI
54914


To The Fine People Whose Job It Is To Put The Cheese On Ellios Pizza-


Guys, I think we have a problem on our hands. It's a cheesy problem. Well, not "cheesy" per se, but a problem involving cheese. In particular, the quantity of cheese that can be found on Ellios pizza at any given time. The other night (a Tuesday) I found the amount of cheese on my pizza to be VERY inadequate. Wait, let me back track here. Ok?

I've been a loyal user of Ellios brand pizzas for the past 7 or 9 years (save a brief period in 1996 due to personal issues involving lactose). Those times were amazingly terrific. I was a huge and loyal fan of Ellios pizza. Even though there may be fancier frozen pizza brands out there, or better tasting brands, or cheaper brands, or brands with a prettier box, I have ALWAYS been loyal to Ellios, because I knew I could TRUST them. As a shopper (and a human being person) trust is very important to me. As of last Tuesday night (around 7:30pm) that trust has been destroyed.

To properly convey my emotions, I will now retype, word for word, the section of my diary, I mean journal, from late Tuesday night that pertained to said pizza incident.




Dear Journal-

Today was one of the worst days ever. Jenny decided to end our relationship on the eve of our 14 month anniversary, after an argument we had involving the where abouts of my sweaters. I know she gave them to Lance. Regardless, I will miss her, and I hope she and my sweaters come back to me soon. Due to all the confusion over my sweaters, I completely forgot that Danny and Jesse from work were coming over to eat dinner. They would be over in 10 minutes, and I had nothing to prepare for them, and no time to go buy something (you know how particular they are as pertains to punctuality!). Instantly I remembered that I still had a fresh, full box of Ellios awaiting me in my fridge. What a stroke of luck! Ellios to the rescue!!! I opened the box and without looking at them really, I popped all 3-rectangle shapes into the oven…the time was ticking! Just as Danny and Jesse rang the doorbell, the timer for the pizza went off. PHEW! I let them in, and Jesse immediately said, "Joey, it smells like pizza in here! We are SO hungry." Then Danny said, "We have been in very important meetings all day. We are ready for some good food! Oh, here is the Bone Thugs CD you let me borrow." I dashed over to the oven, and pulled out the slices and placed them all on 3 plates. Suddenly I had to do a double take. Upon looking at the pizza again, my heart sank. THE CHEESE ON THE PIZZA WAS VIRTUALLY 40% LESS THEN NORMAL. I was so embarrassed, what would Danny and Jesse think?!?! (You know how particular they are as pertains to taste!) Praying that they wouldn't notice, I sprinkled lots of Italian herbs over the pizza to disguise this atrocity. As I placed the plates right in the place Danny and Jesse were placed, my heart was racing. Suddenly, there was an awkward silence. "Where is the cheese," Danny asked in a serious tone. I didn't know what to say. Jesse quickly snapped "I'm not eating this with all this cheese missing. This is an outrage!" I tried to explain, but it was no use. They found this insulting and quickly left. I know I will be the laughing stock of the office tomorrow. Oh God, what is happening to me. What did I do to deserve this bad pizza? Why? Why? Why!?!

P.S. I just found the sweaters under my bed in a box. Ah well.

Honestly, Ellios people. I am still shocked here. I checked inside the empty box, AND the pan, and there really weren't any cheese crumbs that may have just fallen off. This problem must have occurred at your pizza factory. Is this the new way you are making Ellios now? With 40% less cheese??? I know financially times may be tough right now, but cutting cheese (no pun intended) is not the answer. I will not risk purchasing Ellios pizza again until I know that there again will be enough cheese on my pizza (your "Extra Cheese" brand is too much cheese for me, though). Can you please tell me what went wrong with my pizza???? I don't know what to do here. As hard as this is for me to say…..as of right now, I am no longer an Ellios customer.

Regretfully,

ME