A Letter to the Inn of the Dove

Inn of the Dove
6665 Black Horse Pike
Egg Harbor TWP, NJ
08234

Dear Inn of the Dove,

I am suspicious of my wife! I think she might be making time with another man (WHO IS NOT ME). My first clue was last Friday when I came home and found her in bed with another man (WHO WAS NOT ME). She told me to, “Get the F out of the room, I’m trying to have an affair in here.” My second clue was when she posted pics of the affair on facebook and tagged me in them. As revenge, I have lined up a few trashy mistresses of my own. One has teeth. The other smells like Burger King. I want to reserve two “themed” rooms at your hotel for the occasion.


Room #1 “Sleazy Love Nest Inn Room”

This is the room you have that’s themed like a sleazy, Inn of the Dove-like room. It’s the one that has an old Jacuzzi, skanky sheets and an atmosphere of cigarettes and disease. Please stock the mini fridge with Teddy Grahams and Diet Shasta.


Room #2 “Saved by the Bell Room”

This is the room themed after the hit NBC show about Bayside High. It plays the Saved by the Bell theme every time you flush the potty. I want the giant cardboard cutouts of Lisa Turtle, Kelly Kapowski and the other girl to stay up. The cutouts of Zack, Screech and Belding must be taken down. LEAVE THE SLATER.


Please let me know if these rooms are available the last weekend in January. What did you think of the last episode of LOST?